myblagh: February 2013

The Big Come-Down

Listlessly seated, awaiting the midsummers witching hour, while the crickets chants and my refrigerator drones on into the dead of night. Melancholic insomnia. The final unwinding of nearly a 3 month summer vacation has been set in motion and the mere thought of this precious liberated time concluding has made my body endure the hottest and longest of days and nights in a hurried angst to develop every second of potential that this time has to offer. Yet in actual fact, it is not as if summer itself is coming to an upbrupt end, no, February in the Western Cape generates fatal heat strokes on those over exposed deadbeat days. This mini-existential crisis of mine is nothing new or anything to write home (or a blogpost for that matter) about and I was really hoping this is simply some juvenile fear of limitation that haunted my childhood. But my yellow isn’t so mellow. I still have that slight gut reaction as I did when I saw my mother ironing my school shirt the night before a new term or year commences. It’s not a fear of academics or working, the studying itself isn’t that ill natured, but the consequences of being tied down by work or by people are brutal on those perfectly wind still, smothering days when the thought of a calm blue ocean seems none other than cruel. Forced to frequent the library when every inch of the outside world is illuminated and all you want is your ice cream cold and a light nap on the lawn. But as a true advocate of all things blue, I must admit to my firm belief in the power of slight anxiety and very slight woe in order to really get your mental and emotional states prepared for a colossal intake of orders, information and an output of production. At my happiest I’ve found myself to have the least amount of concern for creation as well as consumption, whether it be reading, writing, drawing, or engaging with any other means of production. But then again, who wants to be deliriously happy all the time, don’t you find those people to be horribly annoying? I reckon it’s also good to give your brain a good solid gold rest in order to have a clean motor running. One should just gingerly settle on the idea of working out how to structure your work efforts in order to have a satisfactory time off.

I sound like counsellor. FML.

Now this is what happens when you come home early to sleep off your heavy headedness and the cool wave of insomnia strikes you right in the centre of your thoughts. Stupid heat, stupid mosquitoes, stupid late night buzzing noises. Ai ja well, at least I’m not being shipped off to the other side of the world this time round. I think what all of this boils down to, is that if we actually have nothing to complain about, then we’ll find something, no matter how insignificant and ridiculous and moan about that. Life’s actually pretty rad, but I just can’t shake that feeling of the discerning zen before the storm.

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And finally, it’s the first proper Monday of this academic year, it’s raining outside and I’m pretending to be in Holland. Hey, this is how we cope. This is a pretty boring post, so here are a gazillion pictures for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy.