|I'm not here right now|
Some sure signs...
I can barely inhale without sneezing
My eyes are red
And they took my bicycle away
So it is HERE! jurrrrrr hello, I've waited for a year. A full blown, heat blazing, skin drying, mouth watering, quiet-as-it's-kept wave of rippled air. Hello Stellenbosch on a December afternoon. Why on earth am I still here. RANTING, I love to rant and I placed myself in the perfect situation to do just that. Staying FAT in this godless town.
I'm dead sure you'd love to hear all about my small town issues.
So recently I’ve been a lone wolf, dealing without the constant rush of external voices and influences, and it is in such a state that contact with the outside world becomes a contemplative struggle, especially after a night out when one’s ears are still ringing from the long lost drum and bass mosquito postmortemly sighing it's last sigh from half an hour’s smoke filled dance floor ago. Anyway, so after three years of reading and writing [yep, I’m a qualified reader, Stellenbosch University Alumnaaai(er)]
|The GRADUATE floating in a pool. this is exactly what I'm not doing|
it is interesting to encounter the people relations you’ve had for your entire life, whether it be with your siblings, parents, that best friend who always sticks around or that slightly red-eyed ‘friend’ you’ve made every other night out with whom you feel inclined to share your entire life story with and on top of that, feel comfortable enough to delve into an in-depth discussion concerning RELIGION AND GOD, THE MOST DANGEROUS TOPICS IN ANY CONVERSATION. And then at 2am, on a sticky night, one contemplates relations, to other people and to oneself. How is it possible that most people know and enjoy the sensation of taking one’s waaay to small shoes off at the end of a stuffy summer’s day and totally get off on the delight of walking bearfoot on that sweet sweet heavenly damp luminous green grass?
That description probably got you thinking back to the last time you felt that exact same sensation, right? And now that I’ve jogged your memory, think back to time you met your oldest friend, oops, you can’t right, because you were probably snot-nosed and still easily pleased by the magic of a light switch. So as social beings, right from the start you are assigned to - and acquainted with a number of people who have ‘walked your path’ with you, most steps of the way (Oprah quote, don’t hate) and somehow, no matter how bad they get or how damn bored or annoyed you are with those specific people, you can’t help but admit that they probably know you inside and out the best. You are the most comfortable to be the worst of yourself in front of them and vice versa...man and sometimes it gets real and real ugly. But those people become the barnacles to your whale ass, even if you don’t see them for the next 20 years, you’ll still have that connection, those memories tied and bonded so tight, that nothing remains hidden in the attempt at an elusive expression.
|we're still exactly the same people|
Yeah, right now you might hate your parents for being those backwards fools who raised you in that small town in god-knows-oh-wait-he-doesn’t-care. But despite your intolerance, those ‘fools’ raised you, somehow, at the most crucial stages of your existence and look at yourself now, you think, you read, you criticise to the extent that you comfortably criticise your own genetic ancestry. And then you meet the new and exciting folks you have shaped your sense of humour, your taste in music, in fashion, books, films, sports, hobbies and your skills in kak-praat. F-R-I-E-N-D-S. and damn they can be the best, the most golden, the most sublime time-wasters to hang out with and then it all flip-flops and they turn into trickass losers who forget and bullshit and ignore and carry on (you and I do exactly the same)
The success of all relations depends on the timing and the extent to which you can be okay with yourself, okay with doing your own thing and really digging time spent “ALL BY MYSELF” but in a less self-pitying tone than that song.
Jurr, where am I heading? Ramble amble bamble, yes oh yess.
And then you meet the IT, the person, the bestest, most brand new HELLO you’ve been secretly expecting all this time. No not your new boifrend or guuulfrend, but simply that storm trooper motherfucker who understands everything, with whom every silence is holy and the comfort, OH THE COMFORT. Where have you been, huh? It’s lovely to think of all the people like that you have yet to meet, so many of them.
AND PLEASE DON'T EVER REFERENCE THE CURSED "The compatibility test" LOLWHUD? Sorry COSMOgirl, but I don’t think a magazine popquizzzz (jizzz) will salvage that which wasn’t there in the first place. If he or she sucks and gives you a complex, a self-pitying-denying-loathing-obsessed outlook, drop them like Snoop Dogg (now Lion) would.
Honestly, stop kidding yourself and realise that life is way too precious, every second too quick to waste upon ‘fixing’ yourself, someone else or that connection that was broken from the start.
woah, who da thunk I could possible sound so much like my mom with a slightly more colloquial diction
So more importantly, if you're going to Mozambique this December, please contact me, I'm a great beacher